CBS.com Blows it! Reveals Twist Before Live Show! (Spoilers?)

This post contains possible spoilers from a horrendous screw-up at CBS.com.  They posted information about a twist that was presumably meant to be revealed in tonight’s live episode.  If you want to wait until the episode to hear the twist, then read no further!  Otherwise, it’s all after the jump!

BB Recap – 7/31 Nominations!

Well this is a late recap–sorry about that!  Sunday’s episode was action-packed.  Dani won the HOH, so there’s a big power shift in the house this week.  Plus, we got to see some more Brenchel crybabyitis, Adam in an elf suit, and Lawon FINALLY showed some depth beyond his usual outrageous behavior.

THE HOH COMPETITION

That HOH competition was pretty enjoyable to watch.  It looked pretty easy at first but they started hurting pretty quickly.  Lawon especially looked like he was being “backdoored” during the comp.  Inappropriate?

Ouch!  Looks painful!  Anyway, Lawon was second off after Adam.  Third, Brendon fell.  I’m sorry, but this was so enjoyable for me.  For someone who bitches so much about people “floating” and sucking in competitions, it was sweet vengeance to see him fall third after the dandy and the least healthy man in BB history.

Of course, Brendon had to save face, so he claimed that the competition was “rigged” for small people/people with small feet.  He’s such a tool.  When he wins, it’s because of his never-ending superiority/athleticism/intelligence, but when he loses, it’s rigged.  He’s such a weenie.

I loved that Jeff won the $10k and no one seems to be holding it against him.

It was great to see Kalia come so close to winning in spite of all the negativity being thrown at her.  How does it feel to be beaten by a “nobody,” Brendon?

DANI’S HOH

But alas, Dani outlasted them all (and NOT just because of her small feet) to be crowned the new HOH.  Watching Rachel hand the HOH key over was pretty perfect.  This was basically the worst case scenario for any member of the vets alliance.

Should Dani have thrown the HOH to Kalia to ensure her power in future weeks?  Maybe.  I can definitely see the merit in that argument.  But I think Dani really needed to win this week.  She was lowest on the totem pole and she would have been nominated if almost anyone else had won HOH.  She couldn’t risk it.

Plus, the fact that she was on the bottom of the food chain means she desperately needs to mend fences (especially with Jeff & Jordan) this week.  When you’re HOH and trying to make deals, people know you’re not just kissing ass.  It gives you the opportunity to prove your allegiances by making moves to benefit your allies.  I definitely think she was smart to take the HOH.

THE KALIA SMEAR CAMPAIGN

Disclaimer: Kalia is in no way my favorite house guest.  I think she talks far too much and she’s not all that interesting.  But she didn’t deserve ANY of what Brenchel threw at her.  When they flipped out at her for her “no beef” comment in the kitchen, it just made them look idiotic.  I don’t think they understand that.

Then the comments about her being “crazy,” “psycho, ” and “a nobody” only made Brenchel look more childish and moronic.  Brendon’s comment about Kalia’s muffin top was not only untrue, it was just plain ugly.  I’m all for the funny DR quips that poke fun at other HGs, but that was just mean.  It’s obvious Brenchel was just bitter about losing the competition.  They are seriously pathetic.

WHO WANTS TO SEE MY ELF COSTUME?

I’m happy Adam got stuck with the elf suit.  I think he’s one of the only ones who’s actually able to have fun with it instead of complaining/cheating the whole time (I’m looking at you, Enzo!).  If it wasn’t based on random draw, I definitely would have thought this was rigged, because I seriously can’t picture a better elf than the chain-smoking, metal-headed, raspy-voiced weirdo Adam.  And on the live feeds he’s done a great job of not being annoying with it.  He’s getting better at knowing when to shut off the attempts to be funny and I’m liking him more and more lately.

GUESS WHAT? LAWON’S GAY!

Who ever would have guessed?  Seriously, though, it was nice to see some development of Lawon as a character.  Usually he’s just a caricature with flamboyant one-liners (which, don’t get me wrong, I love), but I’m glad to see that he’s actually a real person underneath the 4 flaming seconds we get of him each episode.

THE NOMINATIONS

Daniele knew that unless she created some new alliances, she’d be screwed after this week.  I think it was really smart of her to target Brenchel and try to make amends with Jordeff.  It’s better to have just one couple against you instead of both, and if she had nominated, say, Jeff and Brendon, she would have made four enemies.

After all that’s happened, though, I think Jeff and Jordan will have a hard time trusting Dani in the long run, despite her apparent work to gain trust with them.  I think the best thing Jeff and Jordan could do at this point is to cut ties with Brendon and Rachel and align themselves firmly with Daniele.  Either Brendon or Rachel will likely leave this week, so keeping the other as an ally isn’t very smart for them.

Hopefully, Brendon packs up his crybabyitis and leaves the house on Thursday.  I’m sooooo done with him.  I actually hate him more than I hate Rachel at this point, and that really says a lot.

Brendon crying at the end of the episode

Episode 9 Recap: The POV!

In last night’s episode we got to see a lot of things I never thought we’d see: Brendon and Rachel not being total trainwrecks, Dani totally destroying her game, and Jeff actually being able to spell.  What’s next, BB?!  Is Porsche going to develop a personality?  Is Adam going to talk about anything besides previous seasons and bacon?  The world has gone mad!

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

When I talk about the broadcast episodes of BB I often say I wish we could get just ONE episode that doesn’t show Brenchel fighting.  Well, this week I got my wish.  But the fates mocked me, because instead of a Brenchel trainwreck, we got this:

Did I need that image burned into my brain for all of eternity, BB?  What did I ever do to you?  I’ll take a Brenchel fight over this ANY DAY.  Shudder.

DANIELE, FROM FIRST TO WORST

Daniele really did have an easy ride.  She didn’t have to compete at all because of the golden key, and she didn’t have to worry about being nominated, either.  All she had to do was sit back, keep her mouth shut, and make friends with everyone.  This week, though, it all turned to caca when she transformed into a 5th grader with a silly crush and a self-destructive streak.

Not only did she annoy the hell out of me with her childish flirting with Dominic, but she also overplayed her hand and made all of the vets distrust her.  She should have realized that Brendon and Rachel weren’t going for the backdoor Jeff plan and quit while she was ahead.  But she pushed too far too fast and it made everyone suspicious, destroying not only her game but Dom’s as well.

A HAIRY MESS

This veto competition brought the LOLs.  I think Lawon explained it best, so I’ll let him do the recap:

"WHAT is this lady in the backyard? WHO IS SHEEE?! OMG! I'm so flamboyant and SILLY! CUH-RAZAY!"

Thanks, Lawon.  That was very helpful.  To translate: Jordan played in the bubbles, Rachel almost died, and they had to spell words.  Brendon won, but Jeff redeemed himself for the “Technotronics” debacle and came in second.

NOMINATIONS STAY THE SAME

In the end, Rachel and Brenda got wise to Dani’s scheming and kept the nominations the same.  Since Dominic is Dani’s accomplice, it looks like it’s curtains for him tonight.  This week has drawn some lines in the sand (which you’ll see in the episode tonight if you haven’t been spoiled yet), so there could be a pretty significant power shift depending on who wins HOH.

ANOTHER TWIST?

At the end of the episode, we were told that another twist will be revealed tonight.  Speculation is rampant.  Some people think there will be a returning houseguest, and that possibly he/she will be chosen by the golden key holders.  Others think that the duos will be shuffled and everyone will have a new partner.  Some say  it will be revealed that Rachel is really a robot designed to annoy the hell out of people. OK, no one actually said that last one, but what other explanation could there be for her behavior?

Personally, I think the “twist” will be that the duos are kaput and it’s all individual from here on out.  And while that’d be a pretty anticlimactic reveal (since all of the HGs assume that’s what’s happening tonight anyway), I wouldn’t put it past BB to overhype the end of a twist as a twist in and of itself.  I guess we’ll find out tonight!

Epic Battle! (Live Feed Spoilers)

This post contains spoilers from the live feeds.  If you wish to remain unspoiled for the broadcast episodes, do not read any further!!!  If you do want to read it, it’s after the jump!

Week 2 Eviction Recap!

Well, it was a pretty slow news day today in the Big Brother world, since I think everyone on earth knew Cassi was going home.  Producers didn’t even bother trying to make it look like a toss-up–they just filled the hour with a whole bunch of crybabies and uselessness.

RACHEL VS. CASSI; WINNER: JORDAN

I’m starting to believe that Rachel might actually be psychologically unstable.  She talks constantly on the feeds about wanting to change her image this time around, but I think she really just can’t help herself.  First you have her at the POV competition flippng out on Jordeff and then crying in the bushes.  CRYING IN THE BUSHES.  Then you have her total bitchiness to Cassi, all because Cassi said she doesn’t like Porsche.  Somehow, apparently, this makes Cassi a snake and a “victim” in Rachel’s eyes.  Rachel calling someone else a victim is just laughably ironic, since she said it in the midst of a why-is-everyone-so-mean-to-me whinefest.  She’s making herself look like a complete ass.

I don’t think Cassi really came off great either, though.  She’s one of those people who likes to run around saying “I hate drama” and then use that as a vehicle to talk crap about other people.  Don’t get me wrong.  The shit-talking is part of the game.  But don’t do it under the guise that you’re sweet and innocent.  And talking non-stop about how people are “just jealous” of you is not cute.  Cassi hasn’t brought anything to the table these past couple weeks.  She’s a dud.  I’m not really sorry to see her go.

Then you have Jordan, the best referee EVER.  She’s the only person in the house who can flat out call Rachel a bitch and get away with it.  Because she’s a genuine sweetheart.  She handled that Rachel meltdown perfectly, because she told it like it is without pissing anyone off. I actually think Jordan is playing a phenomenal social game so far this season.

TIME FILLERS

The rest of the episode was just filler because nothing else happened this week.  We got to meet Adam’s girlfriend, and we found out he’s a former fatty.  That was surprising to me, because after witnessing his constant mouth-breathing, chain-smoking and bacon fervor on the live feeds, I really didn’t think he was the health-conscious type.  But hey, he’s apparently lost over 100lb, so good for him.

And Dominic’s BFF revealed quite a bit about him tonight.  Apparently he was home schooled because his mom is batshit crazy?  And BB is his first time spending the night away from home?! Yikes. We knew he was sheltered when his intro was a montage of him talking about his V-card and his mom making him lunch, but wow.  I wasn’t expecting that.

OTHER SILLY THINGS FROM TONIGHT’S EPISODE

• I legitimately forgot Porsche existed until she cast her vote tonight.  What the hell happened to her?
• That cape thingy on the back of Julie’s dress was incredibly distracting and weird.  I guess they just needed something to draw people’s attention to the episode.
• I like Shelly, but her crybabyitis tonight was obnoxious.  If she’s so concerned about how her daughter is perceiving her, she shouldn’t have come on the show.
• I LOVED when Julie told Cassi to GTFO with that “We need you to leave the house NOW” comment.  Julie is a badass. In a cape.
• Rachel apparently forgot to take her mic off before going to the bathroom, because we definitely heard her peeing right after the eviction.  The last thing I needed tonight was to hear Rachel’s tinkle & flush.  But just in case you missed it, you can relive it here.
• Rachel is HOH again. As ridonkulous as she is, I have to give her props on her competition performance.  It’s a mixed blessing, though, because while it likely means another week of Jordeff safety, it also means another week of Brenchel in the HOH room.  Shudder.

My guess is that Dominic or Adam will be the target this week, but with Rachel’s descent into madness in full swing, who knows which of her cognitive abilities will go next.  Should be an interesting week!

The Brenchel Drama Never Ends (and other live feed highlights)!

This post contains spoilers from the live feed!  If you wish to remain unspoiled for the broadcast episodes, do not read ahead!

Not very much has been going on in the past couple of days.  This is what the first week is usually like–not the menacing drama that’s been going on since the feeds went live!  For the most part, the HGs are just relaxing, exercising, and socializing.  The veterans seem to have pulled Shelly, Kalia and Adam to their side.  Then again, you never know what they’re actually thinking and what they’re just letting on.  But I see the three of them playing both sides and only reporting back to the veterans, so that says a lot to me.

Keith is the veterans’ target, so if those three newbies are really with the vets then I think Keith will be the one going.  Dominic, Cassi and Lawon seem to want Porsche out, though, so it’s still up in the air.

KALIA’S RISKY BUSINESS

Kalia seems to have a new strategy in place to go after the golden key next week.  She is telling the newbies that she wants to go home because she misses her family.  Apparently she’s hoping to be put up for eviction under the newbies’ assumption that she would go over Lawon.  In reality, of course, the numbers would be in Kalia’s favor (according to current mindsets), and the vets’ alliance would kill two birds with one stone while both eliminating Lawon (whom they view as a threat) and obtaining a golden key on their side.

I don’t know, guys.  It’s clever in theory, I guess, but it’s never a good idea to tempt BB fate.  The only safe place to be is off the block.  This is the BB house, where no one is who they say they are; no one keeps their word; and opinions change on a dime.  Plus, if she’s shooting for this to happen next week, then a golden key would only ensure her safety for one week after that.  I don’t think she’s really making a sound risk/reward judgment here.  Plus, if a noob is in power next week, do you really think they’re going to be targeting Kalia?  No, of course not.  The noobs are steadfast against the veterans, as they should be.

CLASSIC BRENCHEL

It’s funny.  In general I think I like Rachel more this season than BB12 (Brendon is still a butthead).  Rachel seems to be calmer, more polite, less irritating and not playing for the cameras as much this time around.  She and Brendon have both mentioned that this is an opportunity for redemption.  But old habits die hard and she and Brendon are reverting back to their old ways.  Last night, Rachel and Porsche got drunk and acted exactly as you’d expect them to (hint: they were annoying).

Next Stop: Celebrity Rehab?

Anyhow, Brendon didn’t take too kindly to this, so he did what he does best: act like a complete bitch.  He basically told Rachel he’s embarrassed for her and that she’s going to catch all the same flak from fans that she did last year (he mentioned that she was really hurt by all of it after BB12).  He also kept saying that she’s disrespectful when she drinks and that she “de-masculated” (the word is emasculate, dummy) him when she was drunk by calling him “Bookie” and “Snookums” (their barfy pet names for each other) in front of other people.

Brendon went into a big litany about how he doesn’t want his future babymama to behave in that way and that he’s had this conversation with her multiple times (which is true–they had this same exact fight a couple nights ago).  Rachel basically stopped responding and sulked on the couch.  The fight continued this morning, culminating in Brendon threatening to throw HOH so they’ll be voted out, and Rachel threatening to break off the engagement.  It never really got resolved, but they seem fine now.

To be honest I can see where Brendon was coming from–Rachel is an annoying drunk, and he was trying to look out for her when it comes to how she’s perceived by fans.  But he’s approaching it from a creepy/controlling perspective where he’s trying to mold her into the perfect wife (trying to mold Rachel into wife material is like trying to polish a turd).

Yuck.  Their relationship makes me feel icky.  I need to watch more Jordeff to feel better!

The Live Feed Digest! Plus, an update on our lost house guest!

I’m starting a two-week graduate course tomorrow that will be taking up a lot of my time, so for the next little while my posts will be relatively short.  Here’s the Reader’s Digest of the past day or so (this contains spoilers from the live feeds, so if you prefer to wait until the broadcast episodes, stop reading here!):

 

 

 

• Last night, Keith called Lawon out for playing both sides of the house (he has been).  He did this in front of Brendon and Rachel, in the hopes that Brenchel would use the POV on Keith.  Keith called him out on specific things that he admitted to, and other things he didn’t.  But it cast doubt in Brenchel’s mind about whether or not they can trust Lawon.
  

  The girls, sharing a moment

• In a way, the fight backfired for Keith, because in the aftermath, Lawon cried to Brenchel about it and it definitely played on their sympathies.  Rachel even cried because she felt guilty about it.
• Brenchel fought again (twice, actually) about her talking game when he’s not around.  One of the fights got a little intense, where Rachel was actually screaming at Brendon in the HOH room.  She compared their relationship to Jeff & Jordan, saying something along the lines of “Jeff and Jordan never fight!”  I mean, I guess I can’t blame her, as anyone would be jealous of Jordeff’s relationship.  Of course they made up and the roller coaster that is Brenchel continues.
• The POV ceremony was today.  Brenchel decided not to use the POV, so Keith and Porsche are still the nominees.  The veterans are targeting Keith because of his physical prowess, but the newbies are targeting Porsche because they know she’s playing both sides.
• The veterans are working hard to create cracks in the newbies’ alliances and to get some newbies to flip.  They seem to be working the hardest now on Shelly and Adam.  It seems to be working, but it’s hard to tell because they’re both doing a pretty good job of playing both sides.
• I honestly don’t know which of the nominees is leaving at this point because they are both big targets.  It’s really unclear how the newbies will be voting as many of them have made multiple deals.

In other news, Dick posted a video on his web site, RTVZone.com, addressing his departure from the BB house.  You can watch it here, but he really doesn’t say much.  He goes on for several minutes dispelling the rumors and apologizing to CBS, Dani, his fans, etc, and then when he finally gets to the point, he doesn’t say much.  He said that he was brought into the DR and confronted with some bad news about someone close to him outside the house.  The person (he doesn’t say who) needed him and Dick knew he had to leave, disappointed as he is now.  He was very clear that he will not be elaborating any further, so don’t bother asking.  Obviously this is a pretty personal issue, and I feel kind of bad for him.  Watching the video, it’s obvious how bummed he is about the situation.  I just hope everything is OK and that he’ll get another opportunity to play in a future season.

Big Brother 13 Premieres!

The first episode of BB13 just ended, and to sum it all up in one word: WOW.  So much information!  Tonight’s episode had more twists and turns than Kim Kardashian trying to wiggle out of a pair of Spanx!  I had my doubts about how this season would play out, and although it’s still early, I’m liking it so far.  But let’s get down to business–there’s a lot to go over!

THE CAST

So, internet, congratulations!  You were right about who was coming back to the Big Brother house.  As we all suspected, it was Dick & Daniele, Brenchel (ew), and Jeff & Jordan.  I’m so glad Jordeff are still an item, and I love that they’re already coming out with the adorably silly banter.  Brenchel is the worst, but I have to hand it to them, they are (sadly) a power couple!  And the Donatos are apparently right back where they started in BB8, not having spoken in 3 years.  I think they’re both pretty level-headed, though, and hopefully won’t let their personal business get in the way. I thought it was funny that some of the HGs had no clue who they were!

I already did my breakdown of the new cast in a previous post, but now we’re seeing them in action for the first time.  So far few of my opinions have changed.  Here are my impressions of the newbies so far:

Adam: Funny.  I really want to like him.  But he needs to take it down a notch, because he already seems to be grating on people’s nerves a bit.

Lawon: Jesus, this guy is obnoxious!  There were a couple times that he made me chuckle, but then he took every quip too far into annoying.  I think he’s trying too hard.

Dominic:  I was surprised to hear that he’s a virgin.  I still can’t get a good read on him.  He seems cool enough, but he was kind of a dick to Adam (his ‘prison buddies’ comment was both hilarious and mean) and I think he has potential to be a real judgmental ass.

Porsche: Obnoxious.  She’s like the devil spawn of Rachel and Parvati (from Survivor).  I do not like her so far.  I predict she’ll be an early boot, because she seems to be relying a lot on flirting to get ahead, and there really aren’t any guys in there who will take the bait (aside from Keith and possibly Dominic).

Keith: WAY too girl-crazy.  Everything he said tonight was about women.  It’s getting old fast.  Picking Porsche as a partner was a pretty stupid move, as I don’t think she has much to bring to the table.

Cassi & Shelly:  I like them.  They both seem really friendly and fun, and I don’t think either of them will put up with annoying drama.

Kalia: Seems very bitchy.  I think she’s most likely of all of them to overplay her hand and get booted because of it.

It was interesting that almost everyone lied about something!  Some of their lies were stupid, others not so much.  I don’t understand why Porsche and Keith lied about their professions.  They both should have bent the truth instead of pulling jobs out of their asses.  Why couldn’t Keith just say he works in HR, rather than say he’s a matchmaker?  And if Porsche didn’t want to tell the truth about being a “VIP Cocktail Waitress,” she could have just said she’s a bartender or waitress at Chili’s or something.  Completely fabricating your profession has big potential to bite you in the ass.  It’s hard to keep up the big lies like that, and I don’t see either of them being able to pull it off.

THE TWISTS

It sounds like the game will be played very differently this year (in the beginning, anyway).  Being forced to choose a partner must have been extremely awkward.  You barely know each other aside from introductions (which was mostly lies anyway).  You don’t want to seem over-eager, but you also don’t want to sit back and get stuck with everyone else’s leftovers (like Kalia and Lawon).  Not only do you have to depend on your partner to fight, you also have to turn on them if you’re both nominated!  So you simultaneously want someone who can help you in strategy, yet will be easy to beat in a vote.  My head hurts.

Then there’s the Golden Key issue.  When a duo is nominated, whichever player is not evicted gets a free ride to the final 10!  This, to me, means that once it gets to the final 10, it will become an individual game (otherwise the concept of nominating duos makes no sense anymore).  It’s like Rachel said, it’s less about who you want to get rid of and more about who you want to keep.  So, with that in mind, I would think you nominate the imbalanced couples, evict the most threatening, and then you give the free ride to the one who’s not a threat to your long-term strategy.  But that’s in an ideal world–are there even any such couples?  There are so many ways you could slice this. I do think, though, that this twist will play out much like the cliques in BB11, where it has a huge impact early on and then no impact after a couple of weeks.

I think the newbies are right to try to stick together against the returnees.  But history has shown us that people rarely stick to the plan, because everyone is always looking out for a better deal.

Side note: I’m 99% positive they’re bringing back Have Nots this year.  I assume there was just too much to cover tonight and they’ll show us on Sunday.  Hopefully that heinous candy room becomes the Have Not room, because I actually really like that library room they unveiled tonight!

THE HOH

As soon as the houseguests saw those bananas, the That’s-What-She-Saids were spouting as much as the chocolate & whipped cream.  This challenge was delightfully awkward.  You had Daniele’s butt hovering over her father’s head, Adam mashing his head into Dominic’s ass, Brendan and Rachel in that creepy mating position, and everyone else simply losing their dignity on a giant banana.

Shelly & Cassi were smart to throw it.  I don’t think they’ll be seen as a threat anyway, and they don’t need HOH this week.  Jordan, true to form, depended on Jeff and dropped out early.  Sadly, it came down to a deal between the Donatos and Rachel, and I think the Donatos were smart to drop out.  If another returnee has HOH, Dick & Daniele are most likely safe.  Plus, considering how much of a threat they already are, it was smart for them not to win HOH this week.

So Rachel won, which is a mixed bag for me.  I loathe her more than anything, but at the same time, I’m glad she’ll (hopefully) keep the other returnees safe.  I think she’d be stupid not to.  They have to know that the returnees are the biggest target out of anyone so far, so they really need to stick together or else they’ll be picked off fast.  I’m guessing Rachel will nominate a newbie pair, but I have no idea who she’ll go for.  Possibly Keith & Porsche because they appear to be athletic.  But with this Golden Key business thrown in, who knows?

Based on the previews at the end of the episode, it appears the veto competition has already been played, so at this moment the houseguests probably have a good idea already of who’s going home.  The feeds go live in a couple of hours, so I’ll post as soon as I figure out what’s going on!

Big Brother Cast Revealed!

Fair warning:  this post is going to be long.  We have a lot to go over!  The Big Brother 13 cast was finally revealed this morning on The Early Show!  It’s official–there will be returning players!  Aside from 8 fresh faces, there will be 3 (I believe) “Dynamic Duos from the past” returning as houseguests this summer.  This could be good or bad depending on who comes back, I think, though I suspect that if the new houseguests have any sense, the duos will be on the block early and often.  On the CBS website, there’s a poll asking which duo you think will return.  Don’t be fooled–CBS has already made its decision and this is not a vote that counts for anything.  Anyway, here are our candidates for the returning duos this season:

Brendan and Rachel, BB12

Ew ew ew ew ew.  I just can’t deal with how disgusting these two are.  From their attention-whorish behavior in the house last season to their pathetic dick-pic scandal outside the house (I feel like I need a shower after typing that), I have had my fill of these two idiots.  Sadly, because they’re so polarizing and obnoxious, they are most likely to be cast this season. Let’s all just hope they’re booted early.

Dr. Will & Mike Boogie, All-Stars

Chilltown!  I would be OK with them coming back.  They were hilarious and maniacal on All-Stars and both deserving winners.  I’m hoping they’re one of the pairs, but I doubt it since they’ve both won once and haven’t been involved in the show for a very long time.  I think they’ve both moved on and I’d be pretty surprised if they signed up again.

Jessie and Natalie, BB11

Another yucky pair.  Jessie is terrible and I really don’t understand why they keep bringing him back every friggin’ season.  He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.  And Natalie was just useless and boring.  I’m hoping this is a no go.

Evel Dick & Daniele, BB8

Another pair I’d be OK with.  Daniele was pretty intelligent in her season and I think she’d have more to bring to the table now that she’s matured a bit.  Dick was, of course, an evil genius and one of the best villains ever.  Unfortunately I don’t think they are very likely to be cast since Daniele is currently hosting a web show on SuperPass with BB12’s Ragan, and its final episode is slated for next Tuesday (the rest of the cast has already been sequestered for a while now). If there’s a guest host on the last episode then we’ll have a better idea.

Jeff & Jordan, BB11

Yes, please!  These two are adorable.  Their banter was hilarious and the fact that they just refused to take part in all the idiotic drama of their season was awesome.  I would love to see them again, and since they are one of the most popular pairs in BB history (with additional stints on The Amazing Race and CBS.com’s Around the World For Free), I wouldn’t be surprised if they came back.  We need a pair like this to offset the horror of a pair like Brenchel.

Hayden & Enzo, BB12

Last season, the three dumbos of the Brigade (after they got rid of Matt and his awesomeness) were genuinely convinced that the show would lead them to movie deals, their own reality shows, and other delusions of grandeur.  While I have to give Hayden props for charming his way to victory, they were cocky, irritating and stupid.  Enzo (I mean the Meow Meow) was the worst of the three.  I hated him almost as much as I hated Rachel.  I’m pretty convinced that Brenchel will be returning this season, though, so another pair from BB12 is unlikely.

I’m sure we won’t know who the returnees are until the show premieres a week from today.  Luckily the rest of the cast was released this morning, so we have some information on each of them.  I’ll share my thoughts, but I find that typically my first impressions of the houseguests are pretty wrong and after a couple weeks my opinions usually change.  For more information, watch the cast videos on CBS.com.  I have to say, I’m surprised that as a whole the cast is older, and not as full of fake-breasted, human growth hormone-supplemented, model/actor weenies from LA like usual.  Check them out:

Porsche, 23

Name: Porsche Briggs
Age: 23
Hometown: Fort Lauderdale, Fla. (living in Miami Beach, Fla.)
Occupation: VIP Cocktail Waitress
Three adjectives that describe you: Sexy, bitchy and clever 
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: Try not to blow up at too many people.
Which past Big Brother cast member did you like most or least? Natalie Martinez – I love that she straight up lied to everyone and it worked.  We are around the same age so I hate that she had the idea and chance before me.

Another VIP Cocktail Waitress?  And she thinks she’s sexy, bitchy and clever?  Who appears to be wearing that swan dress that Bjork wore to the Grammys that one time? Raise your hand if you think her given name is Jennifer.  It’s funny that she describes herself as so volatile, yet in her video interview on CBS.com she says that people will be surprised that she’s “…a pretty girl who’s not a complete bitch to everyone.”  She also mentions that she left behind “…a ton of friends, my family, and both my cell phones to be here.”  Sounds like she has a very fulfilling life.  By the way, dummy, Natalie’s “straight up” lie to everyone did NOT work.  Remember how everyone found out about it and thought she was an idiot and didn’t vote for her to win?  I’m sure Jennifer Porsche will bring a lot to the table this season (eyeroll).

Shelly, 41

Name: Shelly Moore
Age: 41
Hometown: Centerville, Ohio (living in Prairieville, La.)
Occupation: Outdoors Industry Executive
Three adjectives that describe you: Dynamic, tenacious and giving
What do you think will be the most difficult part about living inside the BIG BROTHER house? (Dealing with) the filth of people who don’t clean up their stuff.  The other hard part would be sleeping in a room with people who snore.  Also, popping a zit in front of America would be a new challenge.
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: I’m a leader, a ring leader and a team builder.  I would try to pull a good group of people together that could mutually benefit from the arrangement.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of? My daughter.  Every smile, every hug, every word… she is part of her daddy and me.

I think I like Shelly.  She seems very down to earth.  She sort of reminds me of Holly from Survivor: Nicaragua.  Sweet, kind, funny, charming, but also tough and intelligent.  I could definitely also see her annoying the hell out of her housemates though.  When she says she’s a ringleader and a team builder, that can be code for pushy and irritating.  Especially if she grates on people for not cleaning.  I could also see her going down the path of Kathy from BB12 who seemed incredibly interesting (really good looking 40something cop from a hick town, cancer survivor, etc.) but turned out to be a complete dud.  I like you so far, Shelly, and I wish you well.

Lawon, 39

Name: Lawon Exum
Age: 39
Hometown: Urbana, Ill. (living in Inglewood, Calif.)
Occupation: Legal File Clerk
Three adjectives that describe you: “Handsomexy” (handsome and sexy, because I am inside and out) and clever.
Favorite activities: My favorite activity is exercising because it keeps my mind sharp and me looking “handsomefied.”  I also like to travel with friends to experience different cities and cultures.
What do you think will be the most difficult part about living inside the BIG BROTHER house? The most difficult part will be adjusting to housemate’s hygiene habits.
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: I will use my personality, style, gift of gab and cleverness to win Big Brother.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of? There are so many!  If I have to pick one it would be losing 54 pounds and maintaining my weight loss for the last 15 years.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… some people got IT and some people don’t.  Now go get it.
What would you take into the house and why? My face clippers so I can always stay camera-ready, a treadmill to stay in shape and a laptop so I can stay in touch with my family and friends.
What would you do if BIG BROTHER made you famous? I would show the entertainment world that there are still normal human beings in Hollywood and give back to my hometown, Urbana, Illinois.

Oh my God.  Yikes.  They cast The Ladies Man from SNL on BB this season!!!!  What a special treat!  Seriously though, this guy is the biggest weiner/tool/idiot ever.  From his Saturday Night Fever outfit to his “handsomefied” appearance……just……..wow.  He reminds me of Andrew from last year.  Remember Andrew?  He thought he was ridiculously suave, but really had no social skills and made everyone uncomfortable?  Yeah, that’s this guy.  HANDSOMEXY? Jesus, just kill me now if this guy isn’t voted out immediately.   Although, it will probably be pretty funny to watch his ego deflate more and more over time.  He’s such a caricature that there’s absolutely no way anyone will take him seriously.

Keith, 32

Name: Keith Henderson
Age: 32
Hometown: Bolingbrook, Ill.
Occupation: Human Resources Manager
Three adjectives that describe you: Charming, adorable and kiss-ass
Favorite activities: Working out, hanging out with my friends, dancing, writing poetry, going to church and doing anything spontaneous.
What do you think will be the most difficult part about living inside the BIG BROTHER house? Nothing – I deal with human capital (people) on a regular basis.
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: I’m going to use my HR charm to get people to trust and love me and then I will stab them if I need to.  I’ll have the women swooning over me and the guys wanting to be on my team.  It’s the perfect strategy.
Which past BIG BROTHER cast member did you like most or least? I loved BB2 Chill Town, first-ever alliance. 
What would you take into the house and why? My toothbrush, because my smile is key, and a Bible to keep me grounded.

Keith impresses me.  His smile is absolutely infectious and he seems adorable and lovable.  But he’s also got a strategy and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win.  He seems waaaaay too focused on girls (his favorite player ever is BB8’s Jen because she’s “good to look at”), so hopefully that doesn’t derail him.  I could see him becoming Porsche’s lapdog.  But I like him!

Kalia, 30

Name: Kalia Booker
Age: 30
Hometown: Philadelphia, Pa. (living in Los Angeles)
Occupation: Writer
Three adjectives that describe you: Anyone who can describe themselves in three adjectives is pretty boring but if I have to: dramatic, adventurous and gregarious
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: None.  Everybody loves me!  I’ll be there until the end.
Which past BIG BROTHER cast member did you like most or least? I loved Dr. Will.  He played the crap out of everyone and no one knew the wiser.  I loved James for the same reasons.  I also love Janelle because she was super cute, but could back it up by winning competitions.  She should have won the game.
What would you do if BIG BROTHER made you famous? Probably be famous… hang out with Lindsay Lohan or something.

Kalia’s bio says very little about her, so I recommend watching her interview on CBS.com.  I’m really still on the fence about her.  She talks about how manipulative she is and how she’s going to lie to everyone and totally dominate the psychological aspect of the game.  I like that philosophy, but how many people have we seen over the years go in thinking they’re the second coming of Dr. Will, completely overplay their hand in the first couple of weeks and then totally flop (ahem, Ronnie)?  If she really does what she says she’s going to, then I’ll love her, but I expect her to flame out fast.

Dominic, 25

Name: Dominic Briones
Age: 25
Hometown: San Mateo, Calif.
Occupation: College Student at San Francisco State
Three adjectives that describe you: Funny, outgoing and good-hearted
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: Build trust, build alliances and make friends.  Together we are strong, apart we fall.  Also, I don’t want to be too strong too soon.  Flying under the radar in the beginning is key.
Which past BIG BROTHER cast member did you like most or least? I like Jeff for sure.  He seemed like a cool dude and played the game well.  Even though he didn’t win, he was well liked and won “America’s Favorite Houseguest.”  I didn’t like Jesse because he was too cocky.
What are you afraid of? I’m afraid of STDs.  Everything else, I can adapt to.
What is the accomplishment you are most proud of? Having amazing relationships with my family and close friends.  Honestly, at the end of my life, that’s what is most important to me.  How many people can say they really love their family?

Dominic is another one I’m on the fence about.  He reminds me of last year’s Hayden, with a dash of douche mixed in.   Overall he seems pretty low-key and laid back, which is always refreshing.  He’s very smart to try to fly under the radar in the beginning, but I hope he knows when it’s time to step up to the plate, which isn’t always easy to figure out.

Cassi, 26

Name: Cassi Colvin
Age: 26
Hometown: Allen, Texas (living in Nashville, Tenn.)
Occupation: Model
Three adjectives that describe you: Stubborn, sincere and funny
Favorite activities: My favorite thing to do is to sit around (preferably outside and with men) and have a couple of beers.
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: I’m going to play the same way I live – be sweet and kind to everyone but always remember it’s a game and everyone’s in it for themselves.  My plan is to stay neutral, fly under the radar, don’t be a threat and play well in competitions.
Finish this sentence: My life’s motto is… go hard or not at all.  Suck everything you can out of life and live with no regrets.  Never treat anyone as if they’re less than you because you haven’t walked in their shoes.
What would you do if BIG BROTHER made you famous? Fame has never been something I’ve actively sought out, but if it happened through the show I would absolutely exploit it to the fullest.  It would be a reward and blessing to know I have the tools to always support my family and myself.

At first glance, I have to admit I totally judged Cassi and thought she was going to be an annoying bitch.  But I actually really like her.  She’s very down to earth and she seems like a really nice person.  I can see her going far because she’ll likely be nice to everyone, she’s gorgeous and she has a good strategy.

Adam, 39

Name: Adam Poch
Age: 39
Hometown: East Brunswick, N.J. (living in Hoboken, N.J.)
Occupation: Music Inventory Manager
Three adjectives that describe you: Funny, loud and cuddly
Favorite activities: Concerts, dining out, movies, TV, Broadway plays, hanging with friends and traveling.
Strategy for winning BIG BROTHER: I am a born leader and a very friendly guy, so it will not be hard for me to make friends.  Most of all, I plan to stay cool with as many people as possible so that whoever has power will not view me as a threat.
Which past BIG BROTHER cast member did you like most or least? Like: Evel Dick, Howie, Ronnie, Janelle and Rachel.  Dislike: Cappy, Ivette and that whole Nerd Herd.

I like this guy.  He seems like he’ll be laid back and fun to hang out with, but I sort of get an unstable vibe from him, like if you hurt his feelings he’ll freak out and make everyone uncomfortable.  But if he doesn’t he’ll be great.  I like that he’s a hardcore BB fan, too.

I think this season has a pretty great cast lined up!  I’m very interested to see how they all interact with one another, and who the returnees will be.  The returning duos will definitely throw some wrenches in the newbies’ plans.  Only one more week!